Let me introduce you to an idea that changed, not only my way of operating in this world, but also changed how I viewed myself. This idea puts us in control of weather we “feel successful” or not. The idea is called: The Integrity Gap. And it’s powerful.
So, the integrity gap is a place, a vacuum, a space, that is situated right in between of your deepest values & your daily behaviour. (look below)
So, this gap between your deepest values & your daily behaviour is were sorrow, anxiety, shame & guilt lives…
Joy & inner peace is when your daily behaviours match your deepest values.
To give you an example… if one important value for you is honesty… and you lie really bad to someone, you might not feel very awesome… this is the feeling of the integrity gap…
The trick is to choose values that are 100% in your control, things you can choose to act upon in this very moment & then have the discipline to take small, daily steps of making the gap smaller and smaller… In this way, success can be 100% in your control.
But will we ever close the gap? No, that’s not the goal here, to reach some kind of perfection, but the goal is to experience the joy of acting in congruence with your values… This is where true joy is to be found I believe.
So, next time you feel sub-optimal, see this feeling though the lens of The Integrity Gap… Become an investigator of yourself & try to see if there is a gap between your values & your behaviour…
See, this way of looking at it can turn painful experiences into growth opportunities… this is the magic of it… you can always do something to close the gap… it may mean asking for forgiveness, having a difficult conversation or doing that thing you’ve been putting of…
It all comes down to doing what you believe to be right, rather than doing what’s easy & convenient at the moment. Because it’s too easy…
ps. Also, it’s really key to be compassionate with yourself if you fall short… we all do every now and then… then the right thing is to seek for the lesson, the opportunity to grow from the experience… it’s in your power to do so… use it.
Don’t know what your deepest values are? Need more clarity so you can make more conscious & confident decisions…? Please do yourself and the world a great service by doing the exercises below:
The first exercise is all bout defining your deepest values, your greatest self. Why does this matter? Because there is no greater fulfilment than feeling your doing the right thing… but you first need to know what this is for you… What are your values?
1. Imagine your life has gone by… It’s now your funeral, you can hear beautiful music playing in the background and all your loved ones, friends, co-workers and live’s you’ve touched are gathered. They are all holding speeches of what you’ve meant to them… how they remember you… what are they saying? What would you like them to say about you?
This second exercise is all about clarifying what you really enjoy doing & what matters most to you, what makes you’r soul dance a happy dance?
2. Imagine you won a crazy amount of money on the lottery, it’s now three months later, a normal day… what does it look like? When do you wake up? What do you do during the day to fall asleep feeling fulfilled & grateful for the day you’ve lived. Describe as clearly as possible.
3. This third step is essential… So, The KEY here is to identify bit’s of information that are 100% in your control to act upon. So, go through and underline the activities & choices that are in your control, things you could do today… These are your disciplines.
(Note here… that word… “disciplines”. It means that these are the choices & activities you should pursue, even if you don’t feel like it in the moment…
This distinction is what separates world class performance from average performance…
Please let me know if you have any questions!
I wish you the best,