Post #50. Cultivating Empathy (and any other inner quality we admire in others)

Today I want to share with you what I’ve found helpful when it comes to understanding the nature of change… and especially when it comes to inner change…

So let’s dive in.

In order to cultivate empathy, we need two things.

#1. A desire to cultivate empathy 

#2. Belief that it’s possible to cultivate empathy 

DESIRE & BELIEF
The desire, the “I really want this” – kind of thing… has a bad sound to it… But I believe it’s simply because we desire so much that is beyond our control… This kind of desire creates a lot of problems…

The other kind of desire is to only desire things with we have 100% control over…
And our beliefs around this will vary depending on our current level of awareness about what is actually possible….

Is it possible to cultivate empathy?

Or is it something people are “blessed, gifted and grated” with?

What you think about this will be determined about how “big” your world is, how much useful knowledge you’ve accumulated… Knowledge, as we’ve talked about, gives you more options to choose from…

At one point, perhaps you will recognise:
“Oh my goodness… I choose who I will become and what I create, to a very large extent…”

Now, being genius, excellent and warm and whatever you want, for that matter, is now not a question of your DNA, upbringing and circumstances, but as you acquire more useful knowledge, these qualities will simply be questions of choice.

Kindness, generosity, warmth, clear thinking, passion, focus, energy… all human qualities we admire in others, we are capable of cultivating, with one little, seemingly insignificant choice, after the other.

But, to the question of desire…

What makes us want something?

First of all, we have to believe it’s possible, that it’s actually an option to get, acquire or cultivate this desirable thing…

But to come to this point of “wanting something really bad”, let’s say empathy, then we need to cultivate an acute awareness how the lack of this quality is effecting our lives and the lives of those we touch.

If we skip this step of cultivating awareness of how this thing is showing up… we will never be motivated enough to actually do something real about it….

MY STRUGGLE
I used to really struggle with self-control. I really believed that I had zero capacity to change and I was really weak… This brought enormous amounts of shame and lack of confidence. Not being able to trust oneself fully is painful… Feeling like you are not the master of yourself is real suffering…

It wasn’t until I got deeper into the neurobiology of change and self-mastery that I begun to see that it was not a matter of “having self control or not” but it was within my reach… stronger self control and willpower was within my realm of choice…

Not until I learned about the human potential for real change, it became an option for me to change….

THE FORK IN THE ROAD. (an exercise to get motivated about change)
Ok, so this is an exercise from Daniel Amen, MD.

The goal is to increase two things:

1. Love of the satisfactions of changing & 

2. Fear of the pain which staying the same will bring…

So, take a part of your life that you want to change… really think about something you want to do, something you want to be or change in yourself…

Then imagine your life 5 years from now and see yourself having done the change… Really feel it… The joy, how you will feel and how you will make others feel…

After that… go on and imagine your life in 5 years, how it would look like if you did not do this change… Really see how it will effect your life and this you love…

So, if you really focus and do this properly, the reasons why this change is essential will become more real… Now, if you do this on a continuous basis, you will naturally want to see the change come to fruition…

Now, instead of wanting something a little, you have a fire behind you and a reward in front of you…

This is what it takes to really change… Because it’s hard…

***

Do the exercise and see things more clearly.

Questions? Would love to ask them. 

Im here to bring perspective, belief & passion into your life… 

You can do this… 

With love + respect.

– Daniel Galovan 

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