Post #56. First, Figure Out What You Want

Life can in many ways be likened with climbing mountains. We can either stay in the valley & pursue momentary pleasure & safety through countless stimulations & distractions, or we can pick a summit we wish to climb and climb it, one little deliberate step at a time. 

If we don’t know what we want in life… we will be at the mercy of those who want you to want what they want you to want…

We’ll end up living a life where we pursue distractions instead of dreams

See… if we don’t stand for anything… we’ll fall for everything…

If we don’t know what’s important to us,  we will be vulnerable to the billions of voices around us, telling us what’s important.

So, I thought I’d share some stages that has been helpful for me to go through, in order to know what I want.

STAGE 1.

AWARENESS ABOUT CONSEQUENCES OF LACKING AIM

“We change our behaviour when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing.”
– Henry Cloud, Clinical Psychologist 

The first step to knowing what you want is really understanding the importance of knowing what we want.

We have to recognise that floating around aimlessly without a compass or desired destination could be dangerous. Dangerous because we are then very vulnerable to conformity and the influence of others.

I mean, if we just know what direction; north, south, east or west, that we want to go, that’s a great start.

So, when we’ve understood that it’s the lack of direction that has been causing a lot of frustration and confusion in our lives, we will begin taking this soul searching a bit more serious.

STAGE 2.

AWARENESS ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT TO DO &  BE

”Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” 
– Georg Bernard Shaw, Author


So, now that we’ve recognised the danger of lacking aim, it’s time to get clear on what we want…

Something I really have to emphasise here is that we don’t need to be 100% sure of what we really, deep down in our souls want, i the beginning of seeking to clarify what we want…

Genuine desire is something that takes shape as you go along o your journey.

First, depending on our level of awareness about what truly brings lasting joy, we might desire things like having the perfect abs, being rich & being popular.  

As our level of awareness of what truly brings us real joy rise, through recognising how shallow and empty our wishes were, we will begin pursuing things closer to what brings us real, lasting joy. Things such as being healthy, helping people & cultivating deep & supportive relationships.

The key here is really to be honest with yourself about what you want. And when you’ve acquired the thing, the perfect abs, the nice bag, shoes, car… it’s essential that we are reflecting about weather it brings real lasting joy or just a short burst of excitement…

Here we are also vulnerable to the sunk cost fallacy, a psychological fallacy which makes us trick ourselves to value stuff more that we’ve invested more resources in, such as time, care or money.

STAGE 3.

TAKE DISCIPLINED ACTION

”Pick a direction, start marching down the path, and see how you like it. Time brings clarity.” 
– Gary Keller

So, now we’ve understood the major consequences of lacking aim, we’ve thought about what we want & we are ready to take focused & disciplined action in the chosen direction.

Focused Action
This means that we’ve determined what we want to do and what kind of person we wish to be.

A One Page Plan is really helpful here. It’s a one page document of our top 3 BE-goals & our top 3 DO-goals.

Under each goal, also write a small daily action that will take us closer to this particular goal.

For example:

BE:
1. Stronger – daily small workout 
2. Wiser – daily meditation & reflection
3. Good to those I’m connected to – be aware of how my words & actions effect others

DO:
1. Run a Blog – write one article every day about a subject that interests me.
2. Reach out & interview people I look up to – connect with one potential mentor daily 
3. Buy a cottage on the countryside – daily imagine how it will be having a house on the country side & save 15% of income every month to the “Cottage Saving Account”, in order to make it real. 

Through crafting our own One Page Plan, and looking at it daily, we become more focused on what to focus on & what actions to take during the day.

We  also become more aware of when we’re drifting and when we’re being distracted. Things become less fuzzy & more clear to us.  (All credits to Robin Sharma who gave me the idea of crafting a One Page Plan)

Disciplined Action
The word discipline is also really key here… To me, it simply means that we take action on what we know we have to do, no matter weather we feel like it or not…

I used to wait for inspiration, motivation and feeling good until I went for the workout, write the post or called that person…

Now, I’ve recognised that it’s a sad way to live…

The key insight here is really that “Action precedes inspiration.”

When we trust that the action is good, healthy and worthy in the long game, it doesn’t matter how we feel in the moment…

In this way, we can move forward no matter what we’re going through in life.

***

Questions?

I’d love to answer.

What’s your #1 desire in life?

If you feel like you are taking focused and disciplined action already, what helped you to clarify what you wanted?

With sincere love & hope that you will embark on your souls journey toward a life where you truly create what you want… 

– Daniel Galovan 

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