This is the second principle that I often come back to very often…
I suggest to apply this principle when someone does something we don’t approve of…
When someone is lying, sheeting, playing badly or being “flaky”, hard and… judgemental… there is always something underneath the word, behaviour, choice…
We come back to an idea that we discussed a pretty long time ago, the roots of results idea:
1. Understanding precedes choice
2. Choice precedes actions
3. Action precedes results
Every action comes from the current level of awareness of the action taker.
The biggest problem is never the action in itself even it may seem so, but the thing we need to focus on is the awareness, the understanding beneath the action… What made them make this choice? What belief? What is their understanding of the matter at hand?
Because if we never focus on and work with this underlying cause, it might never change and we will be stuck in the eternal “treating of symptoms” instead of going to the root causes… We need to work with both, if we want the change to last. 🙂
This is why it is so key to focus on understanding ourselves and others on a deeper level.
So, this is a shift from judging results, outward appearances to focus on the root causes and really seeking to understand the person behind the action…
Obsessing about behaviours & results… and seeking to change these, is kind of like painting green color on a sick tree and hoping it’s going to get well… The root causes will still be there…
If you try this principle of seeking to understand rather than to judge, you will notice that you will go from thinking and saying things such as:
* “That’s so stupid!” to saying “I bet he doesn’t know enough about this yet…”
* “She’s so irresponsible!” to saying “I think she doesn’t understand how important this is to me.”
* “He’s so flaky!” to saying “I think we need to talk with him about keeping your word.”
* “She’s so fake!” to saying “I think she might be really insecure about who she truly is and afraid of not being accepted as she is.”
* “They are awful!” to saying ”
Judging one another is the seed to separation, isolation & hardness…
Understanding one another is the seed to a deeper connection, smoother communication & warmth…
The one leads to beautiful things… The other… not so beautiful…
Next time you feel upset about how someone is acting or the words that they are speaking… Make an effort to seek to understand rather than to judge.
– Daniel Galovan
“Try to understand men. If you understand each other you will be kind to each other. Knowing a man well never leads to hate and almost always leads to love.”
– John Steinbeck